Friendship Cracks Begin To Appear As Recently Dumped Girl Seeks Solace In Bad Reality Tv
Tales Of Week 4 Of The Andie Chronicles And Her Breakup
Day 22: Tales Of Information Management And Gossip
My phone vibrated furiously. It was James.
He was calling, again and again until I answered. “Why doesn’t my key open the door?” I could hear him shout through the door until I addressed him.
I unlocked the door. “Calm down,” I said, opening it and letting him in. “It was just locked from the inside.”
He stumbled inside. “You never do that. Not on a Monday morning when you know I’m coming to work.”
I couldn’t hold my tongue. “Well, I didn’t want to assume anything. You know of all people that assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.”
James pursed his lips.
“No? Am I wrong? Feel free to correct me.”
He couldn’t. He knew well and truly that his little surprise gathering was an epic misjudgment of my breakup. And what I wanted and needed at that time.
It was times like this I thought James didn’t know me that well. We spent every day together, working side by side, spending most of our free time together.
And yet he still couldn’t handle my breakup. He didn’t know how to console me in a way that wouldn’t make me feel even more lonely.
“I stuffed up, ok?”
He had to catch himself as he shouted the begrudging apology.
“I thought if you could see we were there for you, it would be clear you had support. I didn’t even think about the fact you hadn’t told us yet. Or that Taylor was there. Or that I asked the cute waiter to join us. That was a bad idea.”
I took my usual seat at the dining room table, the one we transformed into a co-working desk.
“Yeah, seeing my ex’s brother wasn’t exactly what I needed. I also didn’t need to see the blabber mouth in the flesh.”
I paused and thought about Taylor’s position in my life right now.
“I don’t hate the guy. But he isn’t in my relationship with you, or with GG, or with Sophia. There are no triangle relationships in this situation. He shouldn’t be speaking for me, ok?”
I know I had to say this to GG too. I would at our spin class tomorrow. But I had to make sure James knew not to listen to other people instead of me.
I had to say it out loud and not internalise this as I had been for the last week.
“I get it,” James replied, taking his seat too. “And you know what’s worse?”
I shook my head. What could be worse than this breakup right now?
“What’s worse is that this misjudgment completely overshadowed what happened between you and Douglas. It’s not cool when that happens.”
I didn’t want to tell James I was secretly grateful for the distraction. But now this was resolved, I could go back to thinking about my heartbreak.
Great.
Day 23: Tales Of Reality Television And Romance Wake-Up Calls
It had been a long day. After speaking with GG about the whole miss flow of information at the gym, to the long supplier meeting James and I had over the afternoon, I had never felt so tired in a long time. I have to admit I’ve been grateful for the distraction.
Aside from awkward conversations with my friends, I hadn’t a moment to really think about the fact I was single and entering my new single-girl phase.
When I look at the situation I don’t care that I’m single. I don’t need a man to complete me. I don’t need a relationship to feel a certain way about my life. Yet, I was enjoying being with Douglas.
I miss him right now. I miss the life we were building.
Married at first sight is on television. I promised James not to watch the social experiment. He thinks that watching other couples figure out what they want and go through quasi-marriage counselling would be an unwanted reminder of what was happening in my life. I agreed with him, only to get him off my back.
In reality, watching other people go through as much turmoil as I felt like some sort of validation. Other people have it rough, even those whose sole job is to make a relationship work.
Or seemingly work for the cameras.
If they have it rough, it’s ok for me to have it rough as well.
At least, that’s what I told myself to justify the trashy and highly addictive reality show about people set up on blind marriages. And I had nothing else to do at night. I could have worked, sure.
But I needed some time out, for a minute, and MAFS would provide the escape.
I watched one bride brag about her man in bed. Good on her. I watched another completely forgive her cheating husband because she “trusts him”. Yeah, how’s that working out for you right now?
Then I watched this husband comment that she has no idea why his bride wants to quit the experiment. She won’t say, she won’t say anything. She wants to leave and he has to wonder why.
As I listened to them talk about their life, albeit exaggerated for the cameras, there was something familiar about it.
I had no idea why Douglas wanted to break up. Like, I had no idea at all. When I’ve found myself piecing together a reason for our split I keep telling myself we grew apart.
That didn’t happen though. We didn’t grow apart. He just sort of vanished on me. And after tonight, I realised I didn’t have any closure.
I didn’t like the feeling.
No, this wouldn’t do.
Day 24: Tales Of Dining Out And Silent Friends
Lunch in the city is always the best.
James and I hop on the train and as quickly as we’ve settled into our seats, we’re at Flinders Street, the central hub in Melbourne’s CBD. From there we walk or catch a tram to wherever we have a booking.
This time we made our way to Flinders Lane, hoping for a lunchtime bowl of pasta at Cecconi’s. The waitress found us a spot on the terrace where we ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio and creamy, melt-in-your-tastebuds lasagna.
It was a wonderful day. That was until I opened my big mouth.
“Do you know why Douglas broke up with me?”
I asked it as James was pouring out the last of the wine. I hoped the liquid courage would assist us both in this mystery.
“I thought about it last night and I can’t figure out why he broke up with me. I can’t give a reason, he didn’t give me one, and now I feel sort of lost.”
Lost was an understatement.
I wanted to get over my ex but how could I without knowing what exactly I was recovering from? It didn’t make any sense. The first stage of grieving always involves knowing what to grieve, right?
“Hun,” James began, visibly frustrated by my question, “Why do you want to know so bad? Is it going to change anything?”
I sort of shook my head. My first instinct was to agree with him.
“So if it doesn’t change anything, move on.”
I picked up my glass and swirled the liquid like I was deep in thought. I needed a moment, to comprehend James’ unfair dismissal of me.
“Move on? Accept my ex dumped me for no reason and move on? That simple, huh?”
I searched James’ face for a reaction. He wasn’t giving me much of a reaction to go off.
“You know guys break it off with me all the time. You don’t see me sitting here analysing it. Sophia and Malcolm have been on and off for a while now. We don’t talk about it with her. We never talk about GG’s divorce. We don’t talk about it because dissecting the situation doesn’t do anyone any good.”
James was out of breath when he finished his rant.
“Do you really believe that? Because it’s pretty fucking sad we can’t talk about our heartache, you know?”
He didn’t say anything.
We didn’t speak for most of the journey home.
That seemed to be the theme in our little friendship group. I knew, right at that moment, something had to change.
Day 25: Tales Of Vodka, Long Days, And No Answers On The Love Life
It was 8 pm before I heard anything from GG. A text message.
“Sorry I missed spin class this morning. Early meeting. What a drag.”
It wasn’t like her to not let me know she wasn’t going to be there ahead of time. Nor would she be so absent on her phone during the day. She could normally sneak away from the office for a minute to send a message or make a quick call. Things must have been tense today.
‘No sweat’, I replied. ‘You free for a nightcap?’
She responded with a thumbs-up emoji and I quickly put on my shoes and walked the few houses down to hers.
I knocked on the door and she answered, still in her suit, half torn open at the blouse. My poor friend looked tired, and defeated, everything I felt inside.
“Wow, rough day?” I asked, venturing into her kitchen and fixing us a vodka soda each.
“It was the worst. I didn’t have time for lunch or anything. And then I had this drinks thing for Taylor. I tell you what, you should consider yourself lucky to not be dating a Gallo brother anymore.”
GG paused, knowing straight away her assessment of her busy life compared to my heartbroken life was a misstep.
“Oh shit, I didn’t mean that. Are you doing ok?”
I handed her the glass and shook my head.
“Honestly, no I’m not. I have no idea why we’ve broken up. Did he cheat on me? Was I bad in bed? Did he discover he wasn’t interested in women anymore? I have no idea why he wanted to break up with me and I can’t seem to move on without knowing why.”
GG looked more exasperated than before.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said before taking a large gulp of her drink.
Part of me didn’t believe her. She was dating Douglas’ brother. She had to know why he dumped me. GG was the key to unraveling all this and I was convinced she was holding out on me.
I didn’t like secrets between friends, I never have. And they’ve always seemed to be kept from me. I couldn’t let this be history repeating itself. No way, I told myself.
“Well, you could ask Taylor and get him to find out for me. Then you could have something to tell me. You could have the answers I need.”
GG finished her drink, slammed it down on the kitchen bench, and nodded.
“Yeah, I don’t know about that. Perhaps you should go. I need to shower.”
Before I knew I was shuffling back to my house. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best thing to ask GG to help me.
But what choice did I have?
And isn’t she meant to be my friend?
Day 26: Tales Of Late-Night Drives And More Love Life Confusion
I saw Sophia’s name light up on my phone. It was minutes before ten at night and I was already in bed, reading Spare. Somehow Harry’s life was seeming quite a comfort to my own.
Plus, it didn’t hurt to stare at his stony, ginger expression. He has a resting sad face, in many ways.
Though if I had a life like his, I probably would too.
“Hello lovely,” I said, answering Sophia’s call. “What’s going on?”
She didn’t normally call so late. I hoped everything was ok.
“I’m on my way to Malcolm’s place and thought I would tee up tomorrow night with you. Are you ok with drinks and dinner? James wants to host it at his place. Cocktails, nibbles, all that.”
It sounded like a wonderful idea. I was free. Of course, I was free, I was single and hadn’t quite figured out how to not be with Douglas anymore.
“I’m down. Strange James didn’t mention it to me today,” I said, thinking he hadn’t even said anything all week about doing something on the weekend together.
We did spend every day with each other. How could he have forgotten this during a myriad of conversations?
“We, um, he just sort of came up with it. I spoke to him before I left the house.”
She sounded hesitant.
“We’re not bringing any partners, so no Malcolm or Taylor or anyone else.”
I felt my own hesitation. Malcolm. The name struck a nerve. I wanted to ask about her and Malcolm. He was her boyfriend last year before he made an ass of himself at a few gatherings, and then acted ridiculously possessive with her.
He was all wrong for Sophia; we told her many times that this wasn’t the kind, gentle and warm man she needed in her life. This guy was trouble. But somehow he was back in her life.
How? I didn’t know.
I found myself not wanting to ask. I thought back to what James said at lunch and GG’s avoidance last night.
Don’t say anything, I begged myself internally. Quiet now.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” I hung up the phone.
Despite the way the call ended, my questions didn’t stop. Why wasn’t Sophia talking about Malcolm? Why hadn’t she announced she was back with him, to the group?
And when she called me, why didn’t she ask about how I was doing with Douglas?
Everyone was acting strange about their love lives. It would seem in our little group, the topic of love, relationships, and heartache was completely off the table.
It didn’t make any sense to me.
Why couldn’t we just talk about it all? Why shroud the entire thing in secrecy?
Day 27: Tales Of Interventions And Bleak Friendship Assessments
I didn’t want to fight with my friends about my love life. But as the night started, it was clear we were heading for an all-out war.
Before I could raise my voice, and let my temper flair, I held back.
Tonight wasn’t for getting angry. Tonight was about making a stand for the sake of our friendships.
And as it all started to unfold, I secretly wished everyone saw that was my aim. Even if my execution sucked, I had the best of intentions.
GG started by telling me she hated the conversation we had a few days ago. Begging her to ask her boyfriend why my ex dumped me was putting her in an awkward spot.
But worse, she didn’t want to keep talking about my breakup with everyone in her life. It wasn’t fair to let gossip spread, she reasoned.
I couldn’t disagree.
Sophia chimed in; she internally objected to talking about my love life when she felt like she couldn’t talk about her own.
How badly she had wanted to explain why Malcolm was suddenly back on the scene. Yet, no one had asked her.
No one even questioned the slightest bit about why she had a sudden change of heart. Or how she was feeling.
No one said anything.
James told everyone about the men he had briefly dated, names none of us knew. He then went on to explain why he didn’t feel the need to divulge each and every breakup with us.
We all had things going on in our life, so why complicate the matter? Why bring other people into it?
And, as the conversation adjusted itself, he asked, “Why, Andie, do you get a special privilege to talk about your break-up?”
It was all making sense to me. Everything they said was justifiable. I couldn’t argue with them at all.
“You’re right,” I said, “Why do I get special privilege? I’m not special, I know that. But the fact I have to scream and shout and we have to have this little sit down suggests the way we’re doing things is pretty fucked up. GG can’t talk about her divorce. Sophia can’t talk about her ex. James can’t say anything about his love life. I can’t talk about Douglas. In what world is this normal in friendships?”
I was out of breath.
But I had made my point, letting out everything building from the preceding days.
I called these people my best friends, but we weren’t acting like them. Neither was I.
I had bought into this being the status quo, and it took a break up for me to realise it was a toxic situation we had to escape from. Funny how heartache brings out the best in other relationships.
Everyone sat in silence.
I leaned over the table and grabbed the pitcher of Pimms and refilled my glass.
“Sophia, tell me how you started hooking up with Malcolm again. Was it before New Year’s?”
Sophia began to talk. We all talked. This was good.
Day 28: Tales Of Insta Thirsts And Solo Investigations
Leaving James’ house last night, finally getting to talk about everything with my friends, I realised no one had any answers to my questions.
Despite their natural hesitation to talk about my breakup, some of their reluctance to speak to me stemmed from the fact they had nothing to tell.
No information.
No insights.
Only more questions about why Douglas had dumped me.
Even Taylor, his own brother, couldn’t figure out why Douglas had decided to move on. They came from a family where you didn’t explain yourself.
You simply had trust and respect for the decisions of others, no matter how reckless they seemed.
And asking for an explanation was the height of bad manners. It explained why I didn’t get anywhere with Douglas during our break-up.
Silence was his best friend. He would rely on it even when he shouldn’t.
I sat up in bed and seized my laptop from the nightstand. I went to open my emails, do a little work, and get ahead for the week.
But then I saw my Instagram opened on a separate tab and I decided I had to be my own source of answers. I couldn’t rely on anyone else to solve this problem for me.
If I wanted to know why my ex broke my heart, I would have to do it myself.
I searched his name. It didn’t come up. I searched through Taylor’s friends, and it had disappeared too. I went to a photo I posted where I knew I had tagged him.
The tag was now gone.
Unless he deleted his Instagram, which was highly unlikely for him, I figured he blocked me. My instinct was to call James and see if he had blocked him too. Yet, that would be dragging people back into my mess.
No, I had to figure this out on my own.
I went onto the Instagram page we reserved for our business. Highway’s Instagram account had zero followers, zero posts, and zero interest. Yet I knew Douglas knew zero about its existence.
It was the perfect outlet to find him and see if he had truly removed himself from social media.
As I thought, he hadn’t. I was blocked. And for good reason.
His page didn’t look anything as I remembered it. Before the breakup, he rarely posted photos of himself without a suit on, looking professional and trustworthy.
Now, every picture was of him at the gym. Him by the pool. Him having woken up and found an unsuspecting camera taking a picture of him.
It was a thirst trap account now, with no indication he had ever been off the market.
Is this what he wanted? The single life? Is this what he left me for?
You’re reading a recap of The Andie Chronicles, the 2023 romance-fiction series from the 1 Lovelock Drive (1LD) universe.
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