Who Has Seen The Absentee Boyfriend? Not Your Birthday Forgetting Friends.
Tales Of Week 1 Of The Andie Chronicles And Her Breakup
Day 1: Tales Of People Forgetting Your Birthday And Lovers Who Don’t Materialise
Today is my birthday.
And like all birthdays, it should be an amazing day.
There should be metaphorical fireworks going off in my life. My loved ones, family, friends should be everywhere, celebrating with me, teasing me about reaching my mid-thirties, and showering me with happy memories.
It should be a day I reminisce over until the next birthday, assuming nothing could top it.
But today is a Monday, and any old Monday in the eyes of the big bad world. You wouldn’t know it was my birthday, and the way it’s going it’s probably going to stay like that.
James was unusually late to work today. He only lives two streets away from my place, 1 Lovelock Drive, where we’ve overtaken my dining room and turned it into our productive office space.
It wasn’t like him.
I thought he might have been going to the cafe and getting cakes and whatnot to celebrate. Alas, when he materialised at my front door, he was empty-handed.
“Sorry, I was late. Went out last night and you know how it goes.”
I didn’t bother asking about where my invitation was. Perhaps he thought I wouldn’t like where he was going. He often goes to gay clubs on his own, or with friends of his who are gay.
He doesn’t like it when we girls tag along.
“Sounds like it was a good night.”
I didn’t know what else to say, which was weird for my best friend. We normally had lots of things to say. Thankfully, we always had the topic of work to fall back on.
“We have that meeting with a supplier in half an hour. Do you want to review the samples again?”
James nodded but insisted we have coffee first. I was surprised he wasn’t raiding our emergency supply of Red Bull.
The day ended pretty early. It got to around four before James said he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and insisted on going home. “Will you be ok here on your own to finish up for tomorrow’s meeting?”
“Fine.”
I didn’t mention that I thought we would go out for dinner for my birthday. Or at least celebrate with an end-of-day cocktail.
“Besides, I assume Douglas is taking me out to dinner tonight. I should probably get ready.”
I felt guilty as James left. I had lied to him. I hadn’t heard from my boyfriend, Douglas, all day. Not a text, a call, not a surprise bouquet of flowers at the door.
I hadn’t heard from really anyone, except my mum and my Aunty who lives in Queensland. It would seem the world had forgotten I had turned thirty-five today.
Perhaps it was a good thing.
But I’m more convinced it’s a sign of what’s to come. And it doesn’t look good for little old me.
Day 2: Tales Of Friends Sucking Up And Reminding You How Much You Can’t Fake
I had never seen my spin class so packed as this morning.
GG was there and profusely apologised for forgetting my birthday. Another best friend who conveniently forgot.
I tried to hold my tongue as we mounted our bikes, waiting for the instructor to arrive, but I spent the entire night alone and couldn’t hold in my misery any longer.
“You’re not the only one who forgot. James spent the entire day hungover. Sophia message me at 3 this morning when it dawned on her she forgot. And I didn’t hear anything from Douglas. Taylor messaged me, but not him.”
I couldn’t believe out of GG, her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s brother, my man, it was the brother who remembered.
“If this isn’t a message from the universe that I’m completely unloved, I don’t know what is.”
GG sighed at me. You could tell from the look on her face she wasn’t enjoying my self-pity.
What did she expect me to do in the situation?
Pretend like it didn’t break my heart completely in two when everyone forgot about me?
I can’t fake that heartbreak.
I can’t pretend like I’m not hurting that badly. It was one of those rare times in life I believed I deserved to look and feel hurt.
“How can I make it up to you?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. She couldn’t go back in time. And realistically that would be the only way for me to feel like people cared.
“Sorry babe, but this is one of those times I can’t give you that answer.”
After class finished, we showered and I tried to leave without saying goodbye.
Normally we had a coffee and I would catch her up on the business. It was her investment, as well as Sophia’s. James and I are waiting for the day she quits working at the bank and comes to us full-time.
But today, I didn’t feel like talking.
She found me walking out the front and grabbed my arm.
“Come on, don’t do this. Let’s go out later this week. We will celebrate.”
She held my arm tighter before pulling me into a bear hug.
“Please let me do this for you.”
I didn’t say anything. I grunted and then left, putting my AirPods in my ears so I couldn’t hear her call out again. I wasn’t in the mood to fake excitement about her re-do birthday attempts.
We’re both grown-ass adults, with zero excuses for forgetting the basics of relationships. You know; don’t be a dick.
Sure, I was being a dick by walking off. But sometimes people don’t deserve your patience, forgiveness, your kindness.
This one was one of those moments. I walked slowly home. I wasn’t in a rush to get there and find James repeating GG’s forgiveness performance. Or watching her try to fix parts of our lives, for the millionth time.
Once felt like enough.
DAY 3: Tales Of Absent Boyfriends And Late Birthday Cakes
I woke up and looked at my phone.
Still no messages or calls from Douglas.
I had relented last night and tried to call him. I also left word with his aging assistant at his office in the city. Apparently, he hadn’t been in all week yet.
Angela, his assistant, the self-named “second-mother” to Douglas, was becoming used to my voice. And once she heard me speak, she remembered it was my birthday.
Douglas hadn’t posted anything online either. No Insta stories, no TikToks on his niece’s account. He’s ghosted the virtual world as well as his real life.
His lack of presence is being worsened by James being in my face ever since Tuesday morning. He won’t stop doing things for me, buying me little treats and talking about this supposed big Saturday night he and GG are throwing for me.
I told him today, after he presented me with two dozen helium balloons, that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to celebrate. “Don’t you think the moment has passed?”
James shook his head at me with such vigour.
“No, nope, it’s your birthday week. Sure we had a rocky start but now is not the time to forget who this time is about.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him it had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with the people in my life trying to make it up to me.
And now that was the start of the week and we were heading straight first into the end of the week, I wasn’t interested in rehashing the disaster.
Instead of entertaining party plans, I threw myself into work. Our unisex fashion line needed a name, badly.
And at our meeting, last Thursday, Sophia, James, GG, and I argued about what it should be hours. The problem was none of us had come up with any ideas.
James and I had been too busy doing the grunt work, and the other two were too busy financing this idea, otherwise known as still working for the man. I thought if by tomorrow night’s meeting, I had some ideas, perhaps it would all go a little better this time.
Plus, all this work distracted me from the fact my boyfriend, who seemed utterly infatuated with me, moving somewhat too fast at times, was now nowhere in my life.
These feelings didn’t get any better when James asked me what Douglas bought me as a birthday gift. I felt tempted to lie but that wouldn’t get me anywhere.
“I’m yet to know if he even remembers I exist.”
Once I said that James ordered a birthday cake to arrive tomorrow. The guilt is piling up, it would seem.
DAY 4: Tales Of Real Celebrations And Relationship Milestones
“Ok, so I’ve come up with an idea for a name.”
I thought bringing up work might put the conversation back on track. But that was to no avail.
“No,” protested Sophia, who was still holding the knife. “We have to have some of your birthday cake first. Maybe we should skip the meeting this week and just do hang out. It’s your birthday week after all.”
This whole birthday week thing was becoming contagious; now Sophia was like a fiend with it.
She continued to divide the cake into four. I looked at the slices and couldn’t figure out how we were meant to eat a quarter of a cake each.
“Can you at least hear my fucking suggestion?”
I had worked so hard to come up with a name, too. And it’s not only the name one has to come up with.
I had to check no one else had the name, that we could get the domain, and that it meant something. There was so much to this, and as I had slaved over it, in the hope of forgetting Douglas still hadn’t returned my communication, I wanted it to matter.
If they were only going to fake care about me, at least they could seem interested in what I cared about.
GG took the biggest slice and put it in front of me.
“Babe, if you want to tell us, we’re not going to stop you. We want it known that this is all about you, though.”
The overcompensation was killing me, but I took the moment to announce the name.
“Thank you. Here’s what I’ve come up with. Highway.”
Everyone looked at me with dumb stares.
“It’s like your way or the highway. As we have a unisex line, we’re saying, ‘Wear what you want. It’s your life. It’s your highway.”
More silence. “Er, what doya think?”
James smiled first.
“I actually really like it, babe. No, seriously, I’m not just saying that because I’m feeling an epic failure of a friend right now. I think it’s brilliant.”
Sophia nodded too. Then GG.
“Yeah, I agree with James. I like it. The meaning is the best part.”
“No offence, Andie,” started Sophia, “but I didn’t think you had this in you. To come up with a name like this. I thought James, surely, would be the one to come up with the name.”
I grinned. Finally some honesty this week. Finally, I could see my true friends, the ones I knew before the birthday fiasco. They were back.
“None taken. As long as you’re not liking it because you’re feeling like assholes, right?”
They all nodded.
“Ok, sweet. Well, I will buy the domain and register the name and do all that tomorrow.”
The room was silent. James was the first to break the tension. “Does that mean we have something to celebrate other than our gigantic cock up?”
“We mother-fucking-do!”
This week was looking up, it turned out. But as for my missing-in-action boyfriend? I couldn’t say the same.
DAY 5: Tales Of Older Men Knowing Better And Upcoming Forced Romance
GG had to remind me at spin class this morning that it was four days to Valentine’s Day.
Taylor, her boyfriend, was organising a dinner for the two of them on the night. He knew how to put on romance.
I thought his brother did too, but it would seem Douglas had performed the best ghosting act I had ever seen.
Here one day, gone the next.
And apparently, he has now instructed Taylor not to say anything to GG so she wouldn’t say anything to me. He was really making sure he could make an exit without me being able to call him out on it.
I felt sorry for Taylor.
He was in the middle of it. GG was too.
But with Valentine’s Day coming up, I didn’t feel like this situation was going to improve. If I asked James to have dinner with me that night at Candy’s, the restaurant at the end of Lovelock Drive, I could avoid the messiness.
That would be my plan, anyway.
Yet, why I didn’t ask James about it today during work has me convinced I’m still holding out hope my boyfriend will materialise before then.
Hope. Now that’s an interesting concept right now for me. I don’t hope when I’m working. As I spent the whole day making sure I could secure the name of our business, Highway, I didn’t rely on hope.
I didn’t have my fingers crossed that these processes would go to plan. Instead, I would make them happen. I couldn’t do that for my love though.
I couldn’t even reach him to ask what was going on. At thirty-five, I thought I would have more power in my life than this. I thought this whole thing was for teenagers and uni students.
Didn’t we get past this bull shit dating stereotype when our knees started to make cracking sounds in the morning?
Douglas is older than me, too. Shouldn’t he know better?
There’s another stereotype by the way. I’ve known for a long time that your age isn’t an indicator of your wisdom. Dating older guys will do that to you. You soon realise they’re often no different to the men your own age.
I hate that this situation has me sitting alone on a Friday night thinking about the men I once dated. I don’t want to go over old ground. I wanted things to progress with Douglas.
Is that too much to ask?
If someone could get me that for my birthday week, as they’ve all dubbed it, then I would be the happiest woman alive. I’m guessing that’s too much to ask.
DAY 6: Tales Of Birthday Parties And Designer Gifts You Don’t Want
James told me to be ready at 5 pm for my birthday party.
He called it that but he promised me it wasn’t anything big or over the top. Though, by his standards of what was over the top, I prepared myself for something too much considering the occasion.
I mean, thirty-five is not one of the big years to celebrate. And this wouldn’t be a thing if all my friends had remembered my birthday was five days ago.
I tried, for the sake of everyone, to pretend that didn’t happen.
A stretch limo pulled up out the front of 1 Lovelock Drive, a pink monster blasting 90’s dance music as soon as the door opened.
The driver opened the door for me and I climbed inside. I found James, Sophia, her ex-boyfriend Malcolm, GG, with her boyfriend Taylor, and my boyfriend, Douglas.
He was seated at the furthest point of the limo, too far to say hello to without insisting everyone else move for me.
He was smiling at me as I took my seat, blowing me a kiss like nothing was amiss between us.
Like I hadn’t tried to call him almost every day, or like I hadn’t left messages with his secretary to call me back. Or like it hadn’t been my birthday and he had totally not said anything to me about it.
As the limo departed, James announced we were going to dinner at my favourite restaurant in the city. I crossed my fingers for Rockpool at Crown.
Realistically, I had many favourite haunts but this one has magic I can’t quite put my fingers on.
As we drove, everyone chatted and sang to the music. I tried to smile as I watched Douglas talk with my friends, acting as if nothing was wrong. He was much like Sophia, who also tried to pretend no one was wondering why the hell she brought her ex to this little soiree.
That would be a conversation for tomorrow, I thought.
“You know me too well.”
I thanked James as we took our seats in a private room at Rockpool.
“Don’t thank me. It was all Taylor. He set it up and he’s getting the bill.”
That was sweet; my best friend’s boyfriend was paying for me. He has the means to do so, being one of the richest men under forty in Australia.
Yet, so was his brother, Douglas, whose girlfriend’s birthday it was. You would have thought Douglas would pick up the tab if anyone, right?
As we sat down, I felt him beside me. Douglas took the seat next to mine and as he got comfortable, he leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek.
“Happy birthday babe.”
“Thanks.”
I hated myself for my reply. But there was so much more I wanted to say, and couldn’t right now in such a public space, I had to hold my tongue.
“I have something for you.”
My instinct was to tell him to keep the present. That I didn’t want it.
But it was another thing I couldn’t say in front of all my friends in the expensive restaurant. And I couldn’t deny that I had no idea where he had been all week.
Perhaps he had a good excuse and I was being pushy. I might be angry for all the wrong reasons. Or I could be right to be angry as I highly suspected, and now I making excuses because I had to accept the gift.
Just when I thought this birthday situation was getting better, it was getting worse. Douglas lifted the aqua-coloured bag he had hidden behind him and presented it to me.
Oh fuck, it’s Tiffany’s.
DAY 7: Tales Of Unexpected Gifts And Failing Relationships
I keep staring at the box.
It has sat on my bedside table ever since I got home.
Douglas didn’t come with me. The whole night he didn’t say much, despite the gift. I assume that he didn’t know what to say when I opened it and looked at it.
Even Malcolm, Sophia’s ex, knew the look of mixed confusion and disappointment from a mile away.
And when the dinner was over, Douglas gave me a kiss on the cheek, to match the one at the start of the night, got in a taxi, and left. James put his arm around me as I watched him disappear into the night.
“He’s not going home with you?”
“No. He said he had somewhere else to be. If you ask me, he’s got more Tiffany’s boxes to give out.”
James bit his lip, the expression he gives when he knows I’m right but doesn’t want to say it.
“Surely not. He’s mad about you.”
I wasn’t buying that lie. Men who are crazy for you don’t avoid calling you for a week and don’t show up until 5 days after your birthday.
I’m not an expert on relationships but you don’t need a degree to realise these actions are speaking very fucking loudly.
The bag is also speaking very loudly to me, too. Not the bag itself but what’s in it. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it again last night after opening it.
But today, now in the privacy of my bedroom at 1 Lovelock Drive, I have the courage to examine it.
I should’ve known by the weight it wasn’t a piece of jewellery. You could say I fooled myself when I assumed it would be a necklace or bracelet or pendant.
Or anything I could wear.
But as I removed the paperweight from the box and placed the crystal heart-shaped dish on my dresser, I hated myself for thinking he would gift me with such a trinket.
A piece of jewellery would be sentimental, meaningful, and given with love. This paperweight, which James pointed out to me was the cheapest in the shop, was something you give to a person you don’t know that well. It was impersonal.
He knew me better than a paperweight.
I wish he had said it to me. This paperweight was our break up, right? Without words of course. It was a crystal dead weight representing the futility that had become our relationship.
This was by far the worse week I had ever had, in my personal life, for a long time. And this paperweight was the last straw.
Taking the tissue and wrapping back around the piece and back into the box, I put it all back together as it was. Grabbing my phone, I called James. He answered quickly.
“Hey, do you mind if we start late tomorrow?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I can work from home until you’re ready. Everything ok?”
I wasn’t sure whether to tell James or not. “I have to take something into the city. It shouldn’t take long.”
There was a pause. I waited for James to respond, wondering why he was stalling. “I’ll come with you. Best not to be a gift horse alone, right?”
You’re reading a recap of The Andie Chronicles, the 2023 romance-fiction series from the 1 Lovelock Drive (1LD) universe.
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